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22. November 2007 by admin.
A while back, I had somebody tell me they loved their pets just as much as other people loved their children. After having some time to sort it out I have decided you can never understand what the love of your child is until you have experienced it.
They will never:
1. Save for college tuition
2. Hold them when they’ve lost their first love
3. Teach them moral values
4. Worry about them growing up and moving away
5. Worry about them moving back when they’re 30
6. Wonder if you’ll have grandchildren
7. Have grandchildren
8. Celebrate all of their firsts (first tooth, first step, first word, first everything)
9. Worry over the mistakes you’ve made while raising them
10. Hold them all night because they are sick, or cutting teeth, or collicky
11. Have to find child care while you work (you can’t just leave an infant or small child home alone and hope for the best)
12. Teach them to drive
13. Argue with them over a difference of opinion (usually teenagers)
14. Console them and teach them about death
15. Help them pick their friends
16. Help them with homework
17. Make sure they get three good meals every day
18. Change diapers
19. Pay for diapers, formula, daycare, babysitters, insurance, braces, eyeglasses, clothing, furniture, maybe even a car
20. Attend their graduation or wedding
Although the list could be a lot longer I think I have made my point. Some people may very well love their pets with all of their hearts, and I’m sure some people are glad they don’t have to deal with all of the time and effort associated with raising a child well.
Somewhere I once read:
A child is something you never knew you needed until you have one, and then you couldn’t imagine your life without them.
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20. November 2007 by admin.
There are many amazing similarities between these two individuals.
Jesus was a carpenter
Mario was a plumber
Jesus walked on water
Mario walked on clouds
Jesus turned water into wine
Mario turned blocks into coins
Jesus – After three days he rose from the dead
Mario – Continue Game? - 10, 9, 8, 7…
Jesus withered the unproductive olive tree
Mario knocks out the piranha plants
Jesus was born from a virgin
Mario’s lineage is unknown
Jesus is speculated to have a brother named James
Mario has a brother too! His name is Luigi
Jesus is the Icon of what is arguably the most popular religion in the world
Mario is the Icon of what is arguably the most popular video game franchise in the world
Jesus has the Holy Ghost
Mario has Boo
Jesus fasted
You never see Mario Eat (he doesn’t eat the mushrooms, he jumps on them)
The enemy of Jesus is Satan (who has many forms)
Mario has many enemies – King Koopa, Donkey Kong, Wario
In addition, each has only five letters in their name and both go by only that single word name. Jesus was born in the historic Middle East. Mario was dreamed up in the Far East.
Games based on Mario include:
· Super Mario Bros. 1, 2, 3
· Mario-Kart1&2
· Mario Party 1-9
· Super Mario World
· Super Paper Mario 1&2
· Mario Sunshine
· Super Mario Galaxy
· Mario Strikers 1&2
· Dr. Mario
· And Many More…
Various forms of Religion based upon Jesus include:
· Catholic
· Protestant (including Methodist, Baptist, Presbyterian, Lutheran and others)
· Orthodox
· Mormon
· Jehovah’s Witness
· Scientology
· Gnostics
Both Individuals even have a Hollywood movie about them.
(As a side note, while we are constantly seeing new Mario games released. Many people are still waiting for the second coming of Jesus.)
Posted in Original, Interesting, Humor | No Comments »
20. November 2007 by admin.
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don’t gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me”
12. The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry,”
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s!
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19. November 2007 by admin.
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17. November 2007 by admin.
A nun is waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So, she thought to herself “I’ll give it a try just to see what it tells me.” She went over to the machine and put her nickel in, and out came a card that said, “You’re a nun you weigh 128 lbs and you are going to Chicago.”
She sat back down and thought about it. She told herself it probably tells the same thing to everyone, but decided to try it again. She went back to the machine and put her nickel in. Out came a card that read, “You’re a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you’re going to Chicago, and you’re going to play a fiddle.” The nun said to herself, “I know that’s wrong, I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life.” She sat back down. From out of nowhere, a cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down next to her. The nun picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music.
Startled, she looked back at the machine and said, “This is incredible. I’ve got to try it again.” Back to the machine. In goes her nickel, out comes the card which said, “You’re a nun, you weigh 128lbs., you’re going to Chicago and you’re going to break wind.” Now, the nun knows the machine is wrong; “I’ve never broke wind in public a day in my life!” Well, she tripped, fell off the scales and broke wind.
Stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself, “This is truly unbelievable, I’ve got to try it one more time.” She goes back to the machine, puts in a nickel and collected the card. This time the card says, “You’re a nun, you weigh 128lbs., you have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight to Chicago.”
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17. November 2007 by admin.
BAN DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE!
Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death. Dihydrogen monoxide:
Contamination is reaching epidemic proportions!Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake, and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. DHMO has caused millions of dollars of property damage in the midwest, and recently California. Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:
Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer! The American government has refused to ban the production, distribution, or use of this damaging chemical due to its “importance to the economic health of this nation.” In fact, the navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare situations. Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use.
(by the way, diydrogen monoxide is more commonly known as H2O or water)
Posted in Interesting, Humor | No Comments »
17. November 2007 by admin.
One of the daily decisions we all face is what to eat. How do we eat well and in a way that’s good for the environment — and at the same time have meals that are easy to fix and taste good?
One food that fits all this is the simple Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. According to the PB&J Campaign website:
I bet you didn’t realize that eating three Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches could have the same environmental impact as switching your showers to a low-flow shower head.
This is the type of information we want to share. How can we change our daily habits to have less environmental impact in ways that fit our busy lives? This one is simple. Eat more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Plus, they taste good and cost less.
In addition to being better for the environment, they’re also very healthy as long as you don’t eat too much. According to WebMD, peanut butter is high in fat, but those fats are relatively healthy ones. Everyone needs some fat in their diets — just not too much — and over 80% of the fats in peanut butter are the healthy kind.
According to the WebMD article, “It is hard to believe that something so wonderful could also be good for you.” Peanut butter “is chock full of good nutrition without those unhealthy trans fatty acids. The only limitation to enjoying peanut butter is the two-tablespoon portion size”
But what about all the fat and the less-healthy oils that sometimes get processed into commercial peanut butter? Does that make it bad? According to Leslie Bonci, director of sports nutrition at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, that isn’t always the case. “Fresh ground is not necessarily better,” Bonci says. “The fat and calorie content are pretty much the same whether you grind your own or buy commercial peanut butter.”
Again, according to Bonci, the serving size is 2 tablespoons.
Posted in Interesting, General | No Comments »
15. November 2007 by admin.
In case the links on the right side bar are not working properly, Check out my other website
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15. November 2007 by admin.
Once upon a time there was a kingdom. As it was a kingdom, it had a king. But this king was no ordinary king, he ruled the most precious territory in the area. The land was so valuable because it was situated between many trade routes that all met right outside the very gates of the castle of this great kingdom.
Since it was a highly visited kingdom, the king had become very wealthy and in his wealth he had become snobbish and rude. He figured any problem was easily taken care of by buying the problem away.
Over the years he offended many people but none m0re so than the evil black wizard. The wizard was so angry he placed a curse over the castle that prevented anyone from leaving the castle. Afterwards he scared travelers away from the kingdom leaving the populace to their doom.
After a while the situation in the castle became dire. The king sent his best knights and soldiers on attempts to leave and find help. There simply weren’t enough men to escape the horror hiding in the moat. What was in the moat you might ask? No one knew. All they ever saw was giant gnarly disfigured yellow fingers coming out of the murky waters to drag the poor souls down to their doom.
As time went on the situation became so bad that no one would even think of leaving. Even the bravest men (that were left) quaked in their boots at the horror that lay beyond the castle walls.
The king, grasping at straws, understood there was only one way to get help. He knew that if no one left to get help, everyone inside would die and the kingdom would fall. He made the proclamation of giving his daugters hand in marriage to any man that could get past the moat. The offer would make the man the heir to the kingdom itself, a fitting reward for saving the kingdom from certain destruction.
It worked. Many more men tried but they all met their doom.
Finally, in the darkest hour, the lowly court page summoned the courage to ask the king permission to try. He gathered his provisions to travel and slowly left through the main gates. He moved slowly in fear, not so different from some of the other men’s attempt to fool the evil in the moat. As he neared the center of the drawbridge the fingers struck up out of the water, but seconds before the strike, they paused. The hovered inches from the page but never touched him. He continued his slow progress and made it to the other side unscathed. He was able to summon help of the neighboring kingdom who relied heavily on the trade routes. They brought a small army and wizards to drive the evil back to the oblivion from which it came.
The young man was celebrated and decorated as a hero. The king honored his word and blessed the marriage and showered the newlyweds with wealth.
Have you figured out the moral of this story?
Always Let Your Pages Do The Walking Through The Yellow Fingers!
Posted in Humor | No Comments »
15. November 2007 by admin.
4ND 73H 1337 5H411 !NH3R!7 73H 34R7H
and the leet shall inherit the earth
!F U C4N R34D 7H!5 U N33D 2 G37 14!D
if you can read this you need to get laid
N ! 4 @N !
an eye for an eye
N 73H 839!N!N9 73HR W45 1!9H7
in the beginning there was light
symbol @ 4 8 C D 3 F 9 H ! 1 J K 1 ^^ ^| 0 P Q R 5 $ 7 U V W X % 2
Letter A A B C D E FG H I I J K L M N OP Q R S S T U V W X Y Z
Words U=you 2=too, to, two 4=for N=in etc…
73H = the 73HR = there PWND = owned (a put down)
1337 = leet (elite) N008 = noob (newbie – a put down)
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